Awhile back, I read the following quote in one of the articles on AOL's Welcome Page for January 19, 2010: "Occasional porn (or sleepy literature) isn't the problem; it only becomes a wrecking ball when it starts to intrude on your sex life together. The two big questions are 'Is it interfering with your sex life and relationship?' and 'Is one using it to avoid something?'" says sex therapist Sandor Gardos, Ph.D. "If the male actively hides his (sleepy) material and makes excuses to avoid having sex, be concerned." (Words in parenthesis are mine) The question I pose for all of us who feast on this website, What is your view on this. Can the sleepy fantasy/fetish have a harmful effect on otherwise healthy sexual relationships? After several opinions are posted, I will offer mine. Included above is Dr. Gardos' opinion. What's yours??

Honestly, what would I know?

Very clever, Red, but we both know you are probably one of the highest ranking experts in the country on this subject.

So far, I've always been able to keep my fetish and the rest of my social life, including my relationships seperate. Sometimes when I'm with a girl it goes through my head like, "she would be so hot if she was ko'd right now" but that thought usually leaves instantly and I don't think about it at any other moment.

I dont really see how it could affect your sex life really, but thats just me. You're gonna make excuses not to have sex because you have a fetish of some sort? It doesnt make sense.

That it can affect someone's social life in some way, I could imagine that. But someone's sex life? Not really.

I believe it depends too on the persons. You have to take in consideration a few factors. Are you both ok with this fetish or does one of you don't like the idea or don't trust it? Do you trust your partner by putting you or the other person to sleep if you used real medicine. I mean that in itself is a dangerous idea considering it can go allot farther then the person thought. I mean I be nervous cause your totally vulnerable to the person KOing you. Unless its pretend KOing then you don't have to worry about it.Then one more factor ways in. If your a guy and trying to tell your GF you have a interest of tieing girls up or or seeing them KO'ed they might see this as a rape thing and think your warped. Now this just doesn't go with our interest it goes to all fetishes, no matter how cute they can be or how different they are, but I'm rambling on. For me, I don't think I would do it in a sexual relationship.

Interesting point. It never occurred to me that someone would interpret the original question to be about actually "acting a sleepy fantasy out". I would wholeheartedly agree, putting a female friend unconscious with chloroform or some other means just to experience a "sleepy fantasy" seems quite dangerous. I never intended that issue to come up in the original question. What I'm posing is the issue that the sex therapist, Sander Gardos, Ph.D., brought up, that looking at "sleepy literature" in private, and keeping it a secret from one's girl friend or wife - - - would be harmful to one's sexual relationship?" The sex therapist says "Yes" . . . I'm simply asking what the rest of you think. I'm not really talking about putting another human being to sleep.

And now I will go on to give my own opinion, which in essence I already have done on several other related forums. I believe if one has a serious sexual relationship going on with another female, then keeping the "Sleepy-fantasy/fetish" a secret from her is running a great risk of losing the relationship. As I have already said, I have a theory that my first wife divorced me because she accidentally discovered it and realized I had kept it a secret. Women can become quite strange about sexual secrets kept from them by their husbands -- secrets can cause their imagination to run wild and envision many things, unrealistic things, to be jealous about or even infuriated about. On the other hand, my present wife (number 2) knows about my sleepy fantasy, we discussed it before we were married, and we've been able to stay married for 20+ years. I consider it a very good possibility that I lost my first wife over it because I kept it a secret from her, and I very probably have kept my second wife because I did not keep it a secret from her. And yes, there may be other factors than this in my divorce -- most divorces do have multiple causes -- but I agree with Dr. Gardos that "secrets", especially "sexual secrets", are at the top of any list of divorce factors.

One more thing, I believe it could be quite possible for some guys to PREFER their "SLEEPY FANTASY/FETISH" over real sex with their wife or GF, simply because it provides more sexual gratification. This is definitely not the case with me, despite the hints from some of you that it is. As proof I offer up my 3 daughters as living, tangible, verifiable evidence of such. Would they even be likely to exist in this world if their Dad (me) PREFERRED his "sleepy fantasy" to real sex with his wife. But I have a hunch this may not be the case with some others. Apparantly Dr. Gardos suspects the same thing -- if in doubt, re-read my quote of Gardos' article in the AOL Welcome page as noted in my first post above. So my view is this: "keeping it a secret can be harmful to a serious sexual relationship", and "preferring it over the real thing" can likewise be just as harmful. What do the rest of you think??

I can't really say. Usually Divorce happens from a mix of things but Divorce or a argument has two sides of the coin. it wasn't just your secret. But its my view. I'm glad your second wife is all good with it. My GF knew about my sleepy/babyfur fetish and she didn't mind it at all. I would still be with her but I believe she was cheating on me and I wasn't going to be a fool and continue being screwed over. Now for keeping it a secret or not. Even this one can be tricky. A couple of things has kept me from telling many people both my interests are a few things. Can I trust that person or people? Will they still except me? Will they use it against later on if we fall out. and Finally does that person really need to know? I know I give long posts and question allot of things but I have a thing about really getting to know someone before I start spilling my guts out. Cause my mom said to me before "Some secrets are kept best to yourself. Even your future wife. Cause if you get divorced, good chance she will uses it against you after if you divorce." Hope this helps.

I suspect more of us than would admit it struggle with issue. The issue is actually more complex than meets the eye however.

The point being missed is that it's not always possible to have sex with one's wife for a number of reasons:-

Pregnancy.
Illness.
Menses.
Stress.

A woman is not a sex machine there for the gratification of men! A woman's sex drive varies with age, health and circumstances. Also, sometimes for various reasons men have a lower sex drive at various times.

Men are more visually stimulated than women but women are stimulated by the love and tenderness being shown in a relationship (and I rail against anyone showing tenderness to get sex).

Sex therapy can be big business but in all this one wise counsellor said, "To get the hour in bed right, get the other twenty three right first".

I suspect most people of one sort or another have some sort of fetish, where this could be dangerous is if someone crosses the line between fantasy and reality, an obvious concern for the police!

On a point of reality, it is actually hard, if not near impossible to actually chloroform anyone with a handkerchief or similar simply because the chloroform evaporates before it can really knock someone out. It is a high risk anaesthetic because it has a high mortality rate and produces long term biological damage. It was a great step forward when it reduced the mortality rate for surgical shock by about 90%, but a 10% mortality rate for anaethesia would be totally unacceptable now. This is why in reality we hardly ever hear of someone being chloroformed in real life, and when someone makes that claim it is regarded with suspicion.

When we marry we marry for richer and poorer, for better or worse in sickness and health. If wives are put first we might get better sex lives?

I think you are on the right track, Jakken, when you say, "My GF knew about my sleepy fetish and she didn't mind at all." That's basically what I'm saying, "When one does not make a secret of it, the special relationship (i.e. GF) survives", but when one makes a secret of it, it imparts a kind of fear and misgiving in the other especially if she finds out about it on her own. So not keeping it a secret worked well for you. Too bad she two-timed you, though. That happens now and then. Still, if I hear what you are really saying, you do not believe it was because of your sleepy fetish that she dumped you, and that is at least one good aspect of the whole matter.

The point being missed is that it's not always possible to have sex with one's wife for a number of reasons:- Owenowen321

Owen brings up another very interesting point, though I'm not sure if it was done so intentionally, or unintentionally. By calling our attention to the fact that "IT'S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO HAVE SEX WITH ONE'S WIFE . . . . ." he alerts all of us -- whether he intended to do so or not -- to the Reality Factor that some guys don't get enough sex from their wives to totally meet their needs. This is another issue I had not thought of when I posed the original question. So let's consider for a moment: a guy has a wife who puts him off a lot, "not tonight darling, I just don't feel good", or the classic "I can't just now . . . it's my time of the month, you know", or any variety of other excuses, some good, some not. SO WHAT DOES THE GUY DO? If he's like most guys that visit "Sleepycomics.com" he quickly turns on his PC and jumps to this website for his adrenilin rush. So sleepy material or sleepy literature may very well become a sexual outlet for any male not getting his needs met by his spouse. And by the way, may I add that I think this is a perfectly fine and innocent and constructive way to use this fantastic website. And having said this, I think it becomes obvious that in this kind of situation the sleepy fantasy is not harmful to this kind of sexual relationship, but actually complements it and makes it stronger than it otherwise might be. Thank you Owen, for that insight. I'm sure you were not talking autobiographically, and I certainly don't mean to imply that you were, but it still is a very good point which I, and I suspect most of the rest of us, had not thought of before.